Shortly after my last post I managed to sprain my wrist, so it was harder to write. I suppose this continues to prove that while my muscles are weak, my bones aren't. It only took a week or so to heal, but in a weird way I liked having the brace on my arm to some degree. Why you ask? Because people actually believed something was wrong with me then. I'm not saying I want pity or extra attention. I just don't appreciate the fact that people often write me off when I try to explain my unseen illnesses. I understand that I probably talk about it too much sometimes and yet if I don't talk about it, I am even more misunderstood! You can see the dilemma. Unfortunately, being continually sick is a part of my life now whether I like it or not. Others can shut their ears and think nothing of it again. You could be sitting there saying I should just ignore people like that. I don't think so considering this includes my true friends and family who mean well. I also completely get that it must be annoying. Even my mom doesn't like talking about it. I can't blame her since she's already got her hands full with my disabled sister. Everyone has their problems. I just wish people would really listen for 5 minutes and then maybe I would stop. Should I just say I'm "fine" all the time? From what I know, that's not healthy either. I know I could go to a counselor. Granted, I don't feel like I have the time and I'd rather talk to people I'm closer to. Isn't that a fairly normal desire? Even if it's not to vent, I have to properly communicate with others and get along. Don't I?
Anyway, the main issue I am having with others lately is that they think when I catch a cold or what-have-you, that it is under my control in the way it is for most people and that I don't experience the symptoms any differently. I do the best I can to prevent being sick. Tough cookies if I want to actually have a life though, right? I got news for the masses: I get sick very easily and it usually lasts longer and is more severe. I require even more rest than I already seem to need. Much like my other sister who has an autoimmune disorder. I feel a little bad sometimes when I think about how I used to view her. She would stay home from school for a cold and I wouldn't. Now I see that she must've felt much, much worse than me. I'm extremely conscientious towards others in getting sick, too. I have noticed that when I worry about germs, others do not. That should be the proof right there. I'm not a hypochondriac, I just know how easy things spread from experience.
And forget the colds, I still haven't stabilized my stomach that well. Some days I feel better, but can't say it's anywhere near 100%. I've also begun to wonder what my endocrine system is doing at times. Apparently, thyroids are sensitive to colder temperatures (not really surprised), so the winter does make my symptoms worse. My mom is hopefully bringing a sunlamp next weekend to counteract some of that. I only have one adrenal gland and despite my gallbladder removal, I haven't escaped unscathed with digestives issues. Now throw a cold on there or god forbid the flu. I'm in no way giving up finding ways to lessen my distress. I'm just starting to read the patterns of how my body reacts to the seasons. I started slipping up in autumn last year, as well. I catch a lot of colds. I lose energy and yet I try to expend more energy since it's expected of me. About the only people who are getting it are my teachers, surprisingly. I look at that as mostly luck. I've tried to talk to other teachers to no avail and usually end up in the Dean's office pleading for help in getting leniency with attendance or deadlines. I don't like having to do it either. I don't like looking like a slacker. If I can get it done, I do. It's much easier than dealing with all that hassle as you can imagine. I mean, honestly, who really wants to be sick? Only those who are desperate for praise.
Which is what I'm trying to disprove in my case. Now, I don't mind seeking some admiration for being in a play. I don't think I got to mention that I'm acting again. After yet another hiatus with my health last year, I am in Anne Frank. I am, however, playing a smaller role and struggling much like I did in the Wizard of Oz. My weight has been going up and down like a teeter-totter (which was lost on the costume crew). It'd be nice if this ongoing "flare up" of problems would ease up by next semester. I fear I won't be able to be in another show here in Eau Claire. Not with all the credits I have to take to graduate. If you're wondering what set off this post, I don't necessarily want to put it into detail. I think the person who ultimately broke the camel's back meant nothing by it. It's just for a moment I felt bad. I don't want to bother others. If I get too deep into that mindset I shut everyone out and I don't want to do that. That is a very lonely place. My overall point is, you'd feel the need to talk about it, too, if chronic pain had been gnawing at you for going on 5 months... I haven't had much of break since the whole GERD (acid reflux) thing came about. I would absolutely love to not feel like talking about it anymore. It's not exactly a choice I can make.
