Well, I am not feeling too good about my "recovery" lately. A cushie once said, "Cushing's is the gift that keeps on giving". Considering it's already caused or further exasperated two other problems in me, I'd have to agree. Why is there a picture of me eating cake? It's because I'm starting to think I'll never enjoy eating again. I have gastroparesis and from what I can tell, it's permanent. Of course, if we take my gallbladder out that might make it more manageable. And the only decent treatment for gastroparesis is medicine- medicine that has serious side effects. Just look up tardive dyskinesia and you'll see why I'm wary. It'd be fine if it wasn't usually irreversible. Anyway, this means my stomach muscles don't move at the speed they're supposed to. I get full right away and then sick(er). I've been a little frustrated by people who tell me to just exercise or try this diet. I know they mean well, but I already do these things! It's a tad more complex than I'm getting credit for and I am seeing another doctor who is much like a nutritionist (I would like to remind readers that I am poor and he is not covered by my insurance). I've strayed lately because I think my body is craving calories like you would not believe. I weigh 129 compared to 170 in January. I'm losing the weight faster than I put it on. From what I read about eating suggestions for this disease: eat small portions with lots of nutrition. My body is starving itself in the opposite way it did before. Soft things like liquids, cooked vegetables. Nothing with citrus like oranges or things that will exert your digestion like broccoli. In contrast to that, I have gallstones and "sludge" as they put it. The diet for that is quite a bit different. It's not an emergency, but there's more surgery in my future. I better hope my dad's company is nice enough to let me keep the insurance. Suffice to say, if I am to feel better, it's not going to be for a long time. Yes, it could be worse, but I am very MAD. I'm mad at the people and doctors who don't take me seriously. I'm mad about what I've already went through and what little it has gotten me. Cushing's doesn't just get better and messes with everything. I like this gastroenterologist I'm seeing but I rolled my eyes at him when he said, "Oh I don't think it's your gallbladder" and that he thought Cushing's didn't do this. On the contrary, I communicate with other Cushing's patients and trust me, there are others with this gastroparesis condition or something like it. Gallstones run in my family. It is very possible for me to have both problems if not more! Look at my track record for rare diseases. C'mon here. I'm upset because I'm nowhere near unscathed. I knew this was possible. Why nobody else did is beyond me. I'm sick of being sick. I got my emotional control back, I got my brains back. I returned to the theater, though it nearly burnt me out. Now I'm going to force myself through another semester of school before I have surgery. Am I scared like I was last time? I don't know. I don't want to know, so I don't think about it. My sense of humor is low and I'm hungry. Let's just hope we don't add another tumor.
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