An invisible disease; a ghost of myself. That's exactly what ails me. You can't see it, but I can sure feel it. I woke up with excruciating cramps in my lower abdomen. I've been eating okay for the last couple of days and this is the thanks I get apparently. My body doesn't know what to do with food even if it really wants it. I get a weird mixture of sensations. I can be extremely hungry, but also feel like I am too full. It was worse when I'd been standing up for awhile and when walking. I came home and laid down, ate a half bag of licorice, then started to feel more comfortable. I'm still having problems with sleeping. It's scary to have any symptom reoccur. On Sunday I was very tired from a long day and conked out a few times between 3pm and 10pm, but for very short intervals. Then I was up most of the night. Last night I was up late, too. I got up at 9am for class. And by late I mean early. There's usually a morning glow growing in the window when I fall asleep. I don't understand what my chances are of getting Cushing's again. Since I am an adrenal patient, I've been told it can't come back. Well, it can't come back there... I don't see how it couldn't come back somewhere else. I'm not saying it has or even could this soon, although I've heard of things about leftover tissue. I don't even know what to think in regards to how long you really have Cushing's. I look back to a lot of weird things from childhood now. I've always been very alert at night ever since I can remember. I never liked nap time, yet I always went to pm kindergarten and preschool. I could sleep in even if I stayed up until God knows when. My sisters seemed to get up before me in the summer. In jr high school, I developed a habit of being on the internet all night. I started to like naps when I was a teenager and had to get up at the crack of dawn. I had no problem doing an all-nighter for a paper in high school. I was tired in the daytime. I've always made jokes in my college years that I live on Japanese time. My sense of "late" may have changed but the owl mentality has always been present. I had heartburn when I was a child and seemed to have a lot of loud molecules in my stomach. Who has heartburn when they're 8? Don't get me started on "growing pains". I used to have brittle feelings in my legs, especially in high school. I have similar feelings now. It's all speculation, but it's curious. Am I predisposed based on habit forming actions or uncontrollable impulses built into my genes? Whatever the case, I was always skinny and active when awake. Could eat everything and anything- just like my dad. I had that going for me. I was so excited to move away to college, yet my fatigue only got worse the older I got. My dad supposedly gave me some bad traits, too. Acne, migraines, ecetera. He rarely gets sick, however. I get sick. Maybe he's not subjected to as many germs as I am. This is how I end up concluding both parents are to blame if genetics are involved. My mom used to be skinnier than I could dream up. Did a couple of kids really cause weight gain or is it predisposition at work again? Invisible is right. If I have kids, I'll have no way of knowing if they have such a disorder until there are clear signs. I want a disease I can see, I can pinpoint. I can't help but get jealous of a person on crutches because they will probably heal much quicker than me. You can see what's the matter. I'm invisible sometimes. Unless I'm keeled over in pain, you don't see Cushing's. It's obvious people can feel Cushing's, though they can't place the feeling in my experience.
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