The obvious conclusion: Am I pregnant?

Before I write anything, that is me acting the part of a pregnant girl. Merely a pillow. When I started to gain an obvious belly, I was actively intimate and came to the natural conclusion that I had somehow become pregnant despite regular cycles and precautions. I hear it's a common thought with Cushing's. What else is a girl going to think? Especially when she's never been before! It was a miserable few days between wondering what I would do if I was and then being just as miffed when I clearly wasn't. I've always wanted a child, so it was very disturbing to think about how far along I would've been. Could I really destroy a baby that's 3 months in the making? It's nothing like the morning-after pill at that point. I was afraid the ordeal would destroy me. I didn't drink or smoke until I took a test. Now, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm starting to wonder if I was ever even capable of conceiving a baby? I personally didn't start having sex until I was 20 as well. It's just heartbreaking for someone who loves kids and wants one to find out she has a disease that limits or erases the possibility. It sounds like in my case I will probably be able to, but of course now I'm even second-guessing the pros and cons of having a baby with my genetics. I'm one of those girls who thinks of pregnancy as a little "magical" or well, heartwarming anyway. It's more than annoying that I practically went through all the hardships of a pregnant woman, but didn't even get the joy of a child out of it. Not to mention the fact that nobody would cut me any slack for emotive behaviors or fatigue or sore body parts unless I was either. I'm not saying I'm at the right point in my life for this, just pointing out my frustration at dealing with hormonal changes without the perks in my opinion. I don't know if this is really true or not: some studies say the older you get and the more immunocompromised you are, the more likely the children are to have defects or for the mother to have twins. It's just something I've heard, not something I actively worry about. My sisters are fraternal twins. If people ask me what side of the family I think this is on, I say both. Seems more on my mom's than my dad's, although everyone in my immediate family has strange issues. There's a 50% chance if one parent has it. Do the math if it's two. All my grandparents are dead. My grandma lived until I was in high school and had heart failure. My dad's parents both died when he was young. Whether that's a coincidence or not is the real question. Anyway, this is another very sad side to Cushing's that I wanted to share. It was one of the worst parts about developing it. Pregnancy scares are awful. Not knowing what's wrong with you is equally upsetting. For me, I had a feeling I hadn't created life. I always figured I'd know having a 6th sense for things like that. I felt like something was wrong. Turns out I was right. I was right all along. Maybe this doesn't seem like a depressing story for readers. I can't stress enough how much it affected me. I looked up pictures of babies in the womb. I imagined what my child would look like. I cried myself to sleep. I knew it made sense not to have it and that would be what was wanted of me. I don't think I've ever told this story in full. The silent hold with which Cushing's takes on you is painful in ways such as this. It's complex in it's torture of a person and I don't wish it on a single soul!