I had the biggest surge of emotions since surgery yesterday. It was due to the obvious reason, but nerve-racking to feel like I was losing it again. I know it's just because I'm a girl. My hormones are going to fluctuate once in awhile like any normal person. It was too similar for comfort though. I wasn't thinking clearly, everything was upsetting. I wanted to say things I didn't really mean, my emotions made me want to regardless of rational concepts. I almost thought it'd be better to lock myself in my room and not talk to anyone. That is what Cushing's feels like. The main difference being that it's almost constant. You are always trying to find a way to feel better. That's how you end up screaming or crying so easily. It's the only release a person with Cushing's can really get. I had a huge blow-up right before I found out there was something medically wrong. I don't think I've yelled like that since I was a teenager. Recovery is kind of like becoming a teenager again. I have no clue what my body is doing half of the time. I was enjoying the lower amounts of hormones. I even wonder if taking Cortisol replacements during this time period makes it worse. I'm sure my doctors would say no, but I may not believe them. All in all, I'm just not used to the cycle of having more emotions and then not anymore. I will probably learn to adapt better eventually. I gave a title to this blog now. Considering what insomniacs we Cushies are, the dark side of the moon seemed fitting. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I like the super heroine Sailor Moon, as well. Her character astounds me. Watching the show usually reminds me not to be so selfish and be more loving. She generally wants to understand and save her enemies, not hurt or kill anyone. That's not to say she doesn't have her weak moments. The concept is that she follows her heart and genuinely cares about everyone. I like that. I like the idea of not hating or hurting each other.
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