I've been pretty adamant about staying in school since I discovered I'm sick, although I admit I'm barely surviving at times. I don't know if I should push it or cool it. I've had to accept the fact that I can't do a lot of things I want (at least not all at once). Anyway, I went to get some Japanese food today for dinner. I figure if there's anything I can stomach, it's going to be my favorite foods. I'm starting to wish I had some sort of low-maintenance job. It sucks to have so little money and to feel like I am completely burdening my parents. I'm currently debating summer school, auditioning for a show, and still searching for one more roommate. I asked casually for an application at this restaurant not thinking I'd practically get a job on the spot. I figure I'll go to the interview and see how it pans out. I've always really liked this place. It's not like I don't have the experience, either. The thing is I've suffered a lot in the last few years trying to hold down a job... it was terrible. I kept getting fired for reasons that were not entirely explained. At one restaurant- last summer when I'd started to gain weight in my belly, I made too many "mistakes" mostly on the computer and didn't remember things well or mixed them up, so I tried to keep notes. I knew a lot about the type of food I was serving. My boss was very strict and breathed down my neck. It was ridiculous because my customers loved me, but I was let go regardless. I was heartbroken when I lost my job at the daycare the spring before that- this is when the "chipmunk cheeks" appeared. I was told I sat down too much and didn't always deal with the kids effectively. I was a teacher's assistant and followed the direction of the other teachers. I pointed this out, but I had no rights as a part-timer even though she agreed I wasn't the only one doing it! Oh, and some teachers didn't like me. I bet some of the kids missed me dearly. Same thing happened at a lot of my jobs: I rub ONE employee the wrong way and it's over. I even said sorry to someone immediately at one of my last positions. She was telling me something as I was doing something else. I said okay, but she got mad that I didn't look directly at her. I was concentrating! One of the bosses started to dislike me too who was probably as hormonal as me considering she was expecting. I remember at this job I had a stretch mark on my arm that one co-worker asked about. I said it was from falling off my bike? I was always really hungry there, as well. I needed a 10-minute break because I'd be starving. Even at the job I had a year ago, I had trouble with "poor attitude". Although, I don't see how grimacing behind closed doors and standing up for myself when my managers accused me of things I didn't do or had permission to do, counts. They thought I had a good personality when they hired me. Some jobs wouldn't even tell me why. I just "wasn't working out". I'm a hard worker and went out of my way to pick up shifts at all these places. I bused or biked really far distances. Jobs began to become a topic I didn't even want to discuss. It was always a debate about what exactly my problem was. It was lonely. Nobody went through jobs like I did. Even if I laid low, I somehow did something wrong. Cushing's plagued my work ethic for years without me knowing it. So while a job offering is nice, I have mixed feelings about it. I still have nightmares about most of these jobs. I just hope I'm not going to get overwhelmed. I have to find a decent way there, too. In moderation this is probably a good opportunity for me. The boss seems homely from what I can tell.
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